new favorite movie of all time!
um..no updates really just satisfied with life..thinking of my future and ish.. UM planning for my 21st birhtday already haha im so stupid! haha.. um...new york trip in june! excited for that..shit..im pretty much talking out of my ass right now...i wanna drink ! haha k thas it.. goodnight
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Dissappointment/breakdown
So lately I've been getting really depressed an sad becuase i tend to disappoint the people around me. For instance...Yesterday I planned to go to Disneyland with Kim and I found out that I have a board meeting tomrrow and I called her asap and told herI couldn't go. She got so mad and upset she basically took out all her anger out on me. I felt super bad but thers nothing I could do .
Anywho lately I feel like I can't trust anybody anymore.. I feel like people are judging me in a bad way. Maybe the way they look at me or the way they speak to me. I know I tend to act stupid and dumb sometimes but still that doesn't mean you coulld treat me like shit and make fun of me. I have feelings too. I feel like I'm constantly being talked about maybe becaouse I'm self concious.. iduno...
Another thing I can't fully sleep at night..I constantly have nighmares where my body goes numb and I wake up with sore arms and legs.. I'm constantly crying in my sleep and I just want my mom to be by my side.. I have no father and I'm constantly cursing at him and yelling at him in my dreams. I feel so alone sometimes and I need to start a new life for myself. I think the best possibly is to move to another state and start a new life...
Other than that everytime I think about someone something else catches my attention maybe that means that it wasn't meant to be if I'm getting all these signals. I really hope that this guy isn't a jerk and understands the way I am. I'm going to sleep now..hopefully my feelings will change tomrrow..\
and if any of you have something to say about my blogs f*&k you cuz this my blog and your reading it...you don't have to read this... okay..im done letting my emotions out.
goodnight
Anywho lately I feel like I can't trust anybody anymore.. I feel like people are judging me in a bad way. Maybe the way they look at me or the way they speak to me. I know I tend to act stupid and dumb sometimes but still that doesn't mean you coulld treat me like shit and make fun of me. I have feelings too. I feel like I'm constantly being talked about maybe becaouse I'm self concious.. iduno...
Another thing I can't fully sleep at night..I constantly have nighmares where my body goes numb and I wake up with sore arms and legs.. I'm constantly crying in my sleep and I just want my mom to be by my side.. I have no father and I'm constantly cursing at him and yelling at him in my dreams. I feel so alone sometimes and I need to start a new life for myself. I think the best possibly is to move to another state and start a new life...
Other than that everytime I think about someone something else catches my attention maybe that means that it wasn't meant to be if I'm getting all these signals. I really hope that this guy isn't a jerk and understands the way I am. I'm going to sleep now..hopefully my feelings will change tomrrow..\
and if any of you have something to say about my blogs f*&k you cuz this my blog and your reading it...you don't have to read this... okay..im done letting my emotions out.
goodnight
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