twlight =)

new favorite movie of all time!

um..no updates really just satisfied with life..thinking of my future and ish.. UM planning for my 21st birhtday already haha im so stupid! haha.. um...new york trip in june! excited for that..shit..im pretty much talking out of my ass right now...i wanna drink ! haha k thas it.. goodnight

Dissappointment/breakdown

So lately I've been getting really depressed an sad becuase i tend to disappoint the people around me. For instance...Yesterday I planned to go to Disneyland with Kim and I found out that I have a board meeting tomrrow and I called her asap and told herI couldn't go. She got so mad and upset she basically took out all her anger out on me. I felt super bad but thers nothing I could do .

Anywho lately I feel like I can't trust anybody anymore.. I feel like people are judging me in a bad way. Maybe the way they look at me or the way they speak to me. I know I tend to act stupid and dumb sometimes but still that doesn't mean you coulld treat me like shit and make fun of me. I have feelings too. I feel like I'm constantly being talked about maybe becaouse I'm self concious.. iduno...

Another thing I can't fully sleep at night..I constantly have nighmares where my body goes numb and I wake up with sore arms and legs.. I'm constantly crying in my sleep and I just want my mom to be by my side.. I have no father and I'm constantly cursing at him and yelling at him in my dreams. I feel so alone sometimes and I need to start a new life for myself. I think the best possibly is to move to another state and start a new life...

Other than that everytime I think about someone something else catches my attention maybe that means that it wasn't meant to be if I'm getting all these signals. I really hope that this guy isn't a jerk and understands the way I am. I'm going to sleep now..hopefully my feelings will change tomrrow..\

and if any of you have something to say about my blogs f*&k you cuz this my blog and your reading it...you don't have to read this... okay..im done letting my emotions out.

goodnight

full day of bmod :]

So my day started wakingup around 10 and I remembered that I needed to meet up with my groups members of my history class and I really really really didn't want to go because there was a stussy sale at west covina ... wth!? so I went around 1 and like 5 or 6 of them showed up. I was there for a like an hour and a half which we pretty much disscussed shit.. blahhHHH@

Then around 3 I went to go meet up karl, texas, jowena, vince, and carissa. We wento to go get Karl's ears pierced which was exciting ! yay! So it was pretty funny carissa was acting like karl's mom and picking his earrings for him! how cutsey! haha Then after me and texas went to joe's sushi around 630 and just chilled until 7 when people were suppose to be coming. So me and chrysta had a deep talk on the way there. I glad me and her connect like most people dont. So when wee were there I sat at the table which was not the "all you can eat" table which was cool because our table was the cool table ha! Mel came which was so much fun to see her face and actually get reunited. I missed her. It wasw a fun sushi night. Byron made me feel so bad...!! Just beecasue i ate my food before everybody got their food. I fel;t so horrible! thanks byron! haha

So my night ended up at jasmine's house where I was reunited with Walnut heads and bmod heads. It was a sweet ending to a sweet day. There was buck battles, bboy battles and so on.. haha I actually got to talk to marielle my favorite walnut head.. Shes so real, she keeps it real 24/7 all the time. I missed her. Also this fool adam was dunzo! He was scaring all of my bmod fam and calling me a bitch and shit.. wtf?! haha i felt so bad for robbie c uz he was all over his balls! haha Anywho it was a good day and a good night. I wish i had more nights, days like these.

today is easter and that means no practice!..yay! get to spend time with my momma!

Also tomrrow means hell week! I really hope that everything goes well and I stay focus cuz its gonna get hella frustrating..I could already tell...

So happy easter! GOD Bless you all!

Friday Night...

So last night i spent the night at Kim's house because she wanted to hang out friday in the morning and watcha movie.So I ended up spending the night at her house after practice. I was glad we didn't end late because otherwise I would have gone home cuz kim didnt' want me coming over really late. So we went to bed around 2 and I was KO! foreal foreal!

My dream was hella weird. I was dreaming about a certain someone who I don't have closure with.. IN my dream he was begging me to come back to him and shit.. I was like you messed up why should I take you back and he told me bullshit..haha..thats like what would really happen in real lfe haha..holy caca!

Anywho so me and kim went to the movies and saw fast and furious! shit was amzzing..I kinda teared up because of the love story behind it. haha stupid me ! haha we then went to kims house again and we had pizza and icecream! AMAZING! ahah and we watched that 70s shows over and over again...ilove kim shes the best friend i wish people treated her the way she should be treated. :[

So on my way home I realized I'm so blessed with friends and family.. I "ve been having the hardest couple months and I wish that things could of been different. I admit that i cried listening to sad music b ut it was a release for me. I realized that "hes not the same person anymore hes totally different" IM OVER IT..ive movedon...I don't think im going to have those feelings anymore about any guy for a long time...It sucks though because my horoscope keeps saying that your ex will come back 9in your life and you have to draw the line...crazy huh? well..well see

goodnight
:]

thank you brett

Today was an awesome day! Finished my final around 8:30 in the morning so i returned my book and got money for that shit. Christina and me then went driving around walnut area to window shoped at puente hils! I got a cool phone cover for my phone looking ass phone haha. anywho so after puente hills we went to Chris's and had chili cheese fries yum!!! and a small ass sandwich! SHIT WAS AMAZING! as always! Then i went to my dad's and we watched Taken. WORst movie to watchwith your dad especially if your a girl :/. It made me hella emotional cuz me and my dad are going through that same shit.. expect the whole kidnapping shit haha. but yea me and my dad bonded today which made me feell good. But one thiing that really upset me was when i was looking in his rooom i found a braclet and it was kinda cute. I asked him who's it was and he told me it was for me. I got excited and ttried to put it on and then he said right after that his girlfriend bought it for me. Like she can buy my love and shit.. That really upset me cuz now shes tryingt o make some contact with me.. WtF.. hell no.. she ruined my family and my dad did too.. I cant' have another mom fuck no..

anywho so brett came over tonight which was fun. cuz i havn'et seen his ass in forever. We talked about so many things that there was never a awkward moment. Its funny how we used to date eachother and now were like takling about shit girls, guys, family. All that shit.. I am so happy that brett is someone who i Can talk to. Hes such a sweetheart and kind. I love seeinghim happy :] anywho he totally made me smile :] Umm thas it toinght.. update tomorow gnight!

One final down two more to go

So I had my final for psychology today and I thought i did pretty good because i was studying hard for this stupid shit.. I study pretty much the whole weekend so I'm set for that. Chem is really kicking my ass cuz its shit that know one else knows how to do unless you really honestly pay attnetion in class. Im hoping I do well on these next two finals cuz its hella hard and I need a break of school !..All i want is bmod time. It feels weird not going to practice every single day cuz we've been having hell week for the past two weeks now. haha. I think i miss bmod haha
aww!

So my life ends march twenty-six. I''m movingg to east los angeles with my mom and grandma. Damn its going to be so effing hard with bmod and living out there. I don't know how neil peig and carissa do taht shit ..cuz fuck..driving ! please!. plus my classes start at eigh so im pretty muched fucked forsure. Oh well.. I'll get through it some way. Oh i"m going to vegas pretty soon to see my family. I really need to see them especialy lexi..shes my sister I never had.. I freaking love being out there becuase no one judges or hates on people. Plus everytime im with lex she always makes me laugh hardcore. Thanks for always being there for me . :)

I'm so thankful for my life right now! I feel so happy . My friends are the best and I have no negative feelings anymore...Its weird... its like my life is starting over again. I feel lilke I just got out of high scchool and I'm like my old happy self.

In class

So I know I should be listening to lecture right now but i can't. I have so many things on my mind. First of all I have finals next week and I am not even close to being prepared. shit dude when did college get so damn hard. anywho um...bmod is really getting to me.. I love it but practices are really tiring me out and i feel like my sleep is lacking and im getting sick again. Antoher thing I miss my mom. I rarely see her, I think that last time iI saw her was sunday for ten mintues. shit..dude that realy gets to me. I need her so bad right now. I triedt o talk to her about whats been going on and it felt so good her listening to me. It's a wonderful feeling to know your mom is always on your side. I try to put on a front all the time cuz I 'm so sad all the time. I miss my family... I miss seeing my dad,, he doesn't want to see me anymore only his new girlfriend. It hurts so bad.. Its like worst than a wound. My mom is one strong woman and I totally look up to her.

Bmod is one of my loves. I love it so much and I'm so thankful to be a part of it because it takes my mind off of things. I love performing but am I losing the love for dance?...

So I"ve been reading erika's blog and her shit is so deep.. Hang it there cuz i know what you are going though..its hard i know but you will get through it just keep praying becuase God is going to work in mysterious ways.

the end

Webcams?!

HELLO so i was just looking at my most recent blog and i don't even remember writing that blog hahah i guesss i was dunzo haha... im so stupid haha. anywho retreat was bomb and i got to connect to ppl on bmod on a whole different level.. which is wonderrful cuz i feel less alone. Retreat made me appreaciate everything in life like friends family and other stuff.

BTW i love this webcam ish..its so much fun...last night i was talkling to jasmine on it and it was fun were talking and making faces while we are trying to be serious haha..and today i was talkling to jon ! haha he didn't even have a mic so i was pretty much talkling to myself haha.. hes so funy! :D

Anywho so im so exccited for fusion and ultimate brawl cuz we got in! yay! too excited for that shit! So we have hell week like for a whole month which i don't mind that much cuz i love dance but its getting complicated with school. I have finals the third week of march so im pretty fucked forsure. haha eww.

So im really happy right now.. I have so many friends that care about me and it helps me get my mind of nEGATIVEs! yuck! bmod has my heart now.. and it will always for as long as we stay close.. I'm living life to the fullest and NOTHING is going to get me down.

um i really want to start taking jazz class again, I futching miss it so much and me and regina were practicing at the studio doing turns and leaps and ish.. shit..no bad for havn't done anything since last summer. So yea i need to find a goodass studio so i can get better again and maybe start auditioning again like i used to a couple years ago. So yea i have practice at 7 at the studio tonight...this should be a interesting night..so sum reason i have a feeling its going to be a VERY INTERESTING night . well thats it for now..

first day of retretat

so first day of retreat and everybody is fucking horny as as can be! haha even from the people i leaset expected from like well i aint going to name ny names. but i got like five hickies from girlies! yay for hickies! hickies feel so damn good! yaya! so tomorrow im sleep ing my ass in because i barely get any sleep each week. I realized that i love bmod but i had penises in particular haha. I thilnk i shoujld just turn lesbian because they undersstand me and they know how to please a woman. haha yeah right i will never turn a lesbian i love the oppose it sex too much..hha well i asked byron if he likes me and he said no he hates me haha.. i knew he was just kidding so im not going to take his oppinions personally. haha chrystA is a mess and so is jackie . I think me and hannah are the only sober ones. hhaha..dude it looks like i got beat up from chris brown looking ass haha. Thats what erica said hahah.


yay for another retreat day! more hornyness haha

Orange Soda is good!

So, i woke up at 9 and i stayed in bed for an hour just thinking about my weekend and my midterm and ish. Then i got ready and went to school. Unfortunately i accidently hit a car while getting off diamond bar blvd. Yeah it was my fault and i wasn't even paying attention cuz there were oncoming cars and i had to make a right turn when i jsut rolled into the ccar in front of me. He was kinda of a asshole so I wanted to get out of there quick. So i ended up calling my mom to comfort me and to tell her that he got my info.

So when i got to school i checked my car again to see if there was any damages and there was just a scratch thank god and the car in front of me, he only got a scratch too. He swears like i totally ruined his car..i was so upset that i couldn't even study for my midterm at 12. I think i did pretty good..oh well

So toinght i have practice..im really excited cuz i need some bmod time . I noticed that everytime I'm out and im not with bmod..i think of something funny we did and smile big haha i love bmod so much..they totally have my heart. I'm so stoked for this weekend cuz we going to big bear. Hella excited!..I'm just waiting for tomorow pretty much. um thats it I guess.


ajfdklafjadkl

CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN

So today i woke up and i decided to throw all the negativity away from my life. No drama, thats it. So im pretty positive right now..nothing can get me down. So if you see me..I'm not puting on an act..I'm just really content. the end. :)

Um..disneyland wednesday thuper excited! :) I've havn't hung out with this friend in awhile..Always making me laugh and ish.. Also retreat this weekend! hella excited for that!..There better be no drama or else ! haha alli know is that im spending the weeknd with my bmod fam and drinking for some reason makes it fun! no snowboarding though..its all good..ill prolly eat shit! haha

um..tonight going to a concert in LA...hope this ish is good!..bye!

p.s. il ove justine!

Bmod Weekend...fucked up much!?

so this weekend was a pretty crazy weekend. Friday we had a performance and Saturday was Jowena's party night at the crest. Saturday was poppin though. here are just a few of photos haha from this weekend.

Any who so yea.. saturday was so much fun. first i woke up late and i had lunch with jeff from grv and we ate tofu in diamond bar..that shit is really good. thank you jeff for lunch..i got him next time. Then after kimmy and me were suppose to hang out so we after i came home to talk to my mom and i left to kims. When I got there we went straight to dinner at Tphillips. Massive food..! Me and Kim haven't talk in a long time so it was great catching up with her. So then we went back to Kim and watch movies at her house. We watched Model Behavior becasue i have a mad crush on justin timberlake..you know me. haha then we watched Walk the LIne which is one of my favorite movies. It at 11 when i decided to go to jowena's house because she was having a bday party. I got there in 15 mintues which is quick. When I got there i saw byron, texas, jay, and pek pek, and jasmine and kj.. IT was so much fun with them..I don't think i hung out with them in a long time like that.. Jowena was pretty fucked up! dude she totally was the highlight of the party.

Then i caught so much of jowena falling down and we went to carl's jr. because everybody was hungry i didin't eat though. I can't explain how much fun it was.. no drama..just laughing constantly..I think thats what i needed this weekend. Im so happy that my FAMILY is here for me! but anywho so it was arond 2 or 3 where we lost jowena..she disappeared and me and byron went to sit on the couch inside the rest of bmod followed. we started tossing bottle caps in cups and we had to say MANTLE to make it in! and dude it was so stupid but so fun!..uh..Then i we all went home cuz we were bored and they pretty much kicked us out..what a trip. I got home and slept! shit..what a night..random with laughs!

uh..nothing else really well see what happens tonight..bye !

FED UP

you know when you have friends/bf that don't trust you...what do you do.. when you haven't done anything ?



get over it?

when i say sake you say bomb!

Jowena's birhtday was amazing!

so my day started off waking up at 12ish andi got massive texts throughtout the tnight. So when i woke up i was tired as fuck and i went online like i usually do. So i was talking to jay and we were talking about relationships ish..some pretty deep ish..I don't know why but ive been really emotional..Im proly going to start my rag soon eww.

So I started to get ready around 3 because i was going to meet some bmod ppl at rooted. So when i went there, I was walkling around the corner and all of a sudden i see this cute guy and he was caring these boxes and i was like whatever about it. Then he said "heyyyyy!" and i was like wtf? he knows me? and he kepted walkling. it was so awkward. ahah so i wentto rootedand i saw bert and mel and jay and said hello. Then the same guy comes back in to rooted and hes all " thanks for saying hi" and i was like wtf?! jesse!? it was shotime..with all of his hair cut off..wtf!?..i thought he was some creeper haha it was pretty funny.

Anywho so we just chilled at rooted and i was helping bert with his hw. haha aand me and jay got some subway cookies yumm! so it was 5:30 and we decidedc to leave to our performance at 6 at pomona high school and we got there in time. When we got there pomona girls got bmod massive food and made banners for us.. i feel so happy and special expect they spelled my name "jenisea" haha. the performance was amazing. You know when you do a good job at dancing and you feel like everybody you dance with did really good without saying it. Yea that happend. haha..it felt so good.

So we went to Joe's sushi for my first time and it was really fun. Although i sometimes thought of "" it was an alight night. I love how they don't check id which is the new spot to get my drank on ha! um..jowena was pretty dunzo and alot of bmod ppl kept taking sake bombs like nothing. haha. Oh when i left the chef came over to me to hug me and he touched my crouch haha...random he was pretty dunzo too..and every body saw that.. haha

So i went home and i was watching sarah marshall by myself and was hella thinking about alot of shit..prolly cuz the movie he showed me it...anywho jowena's birhtday party tonight..get crunk get drunk ! im hungry! food please! seee you later!

first bloggin "what a day"

okay...i so i decided to make a blog acciount cuz karl told me to haha. plus i had a live journal but it sucked ass. today i had school and 12 and i could not see the board for shit. so i juss chilled and talked to my friend from class. shes hella koo.we talk about real shit that makes us mad and upset uggg! so later i went to my dads house and when i came a mexican chick came out of his house... which was hella awkard..cuz duh she aint my mom.. damn im over this divorce shit. its put so much pressure on me and im sick of it.

anywho at practice...let me tell you what a fuckin night :/
so we started practice at 7 as usual and it was dope cuz my second family was there and they are so giddya nd happy everytime i say hi. love you bmod! anywho.so we did runthroughs which was koo .. i think in total we did like three runtheroughs all together. haha.. we ended at 10~!!! crazy huh!? anywho so i was reading someones blogger and i aint gonna say her name but she made things so much easier for me to undersand. Shes actually going through a similar situation as of me and she said that he loves this guy so much that he uses his charm to wheel girls in.. and which is true cuz i met him and hes very attractive . but she said that since she lives around 10 hours away from him she finds it easier to let him go when she doesn't see him. And when hes comes in town its so hard becuase her feelings come as strong as ever and she can't control it. I'm totally relating to this chick because its hard to see someone you HAVE to see. But actually since this shit has been off and on..im actually dealing with it. Yeah i have feelings for "" but i can get over him.It is possible...it will be hard but i guess the flaws that i seen are making me believe the truth and it hurts so much..maybe its not meant to be...maybe this is a test to see how i can deal with this situation..what if im going to be like this my wholelife..damn it gets to me everytime. im gladi have my friends who i can count on and be real and staright up with me. They give me the truthand i totally appreciate it. Who knows where this fling will go...all i know is that god is with me through every step and i know this will come a great outcome.

goodnight friends!